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I’m done being a ‘No’ mom. The highly strung mom who is constantly packing up after kids, constantly noticing the dirt marks on the floor, the piles of washing to be done, the mom always looking for a moment of sanity for myself. It’s been months of this and today, I realise I don’t like myself like this. And neither do my kids.
“No, you can’t share my {only} slice of toast, you’ve already had two.”
”No, I can’t play cars now, I have washing to fold or your dad won’t have socks tomorrow.”
”No, we can’t go to the beach this morning, the floors are dirty, and I’m overwhelmed with noise and exhaustion. Going to the beach with three littlies, sixteen bathroom breaks and losing shoes will surely kill me and any semblance of sanity I have left. It’s easier and calmer at home, so.. no!”
No more! Today I woke up to my ‘No mom’ self and hated it: all the negativity, the flailing for air. I’m done. So I put on a brave face, and changed my lens. Hey kids, this is me, your YES MOM. Hit me with it:
‘Can I have some more oats mom?’ SURE. I slide my half eaten bowl across the table, and begin to clear bowls while she eats. Im ravenous, but she’s hungry, and there’s none left in the pot. Ill survive.
‘Can you help me brush my teeth mom?’ SURE. {I know you have done this yourself for over a year, but hey, why not?} Instead of calling from another room for him to do it himself, I come in and help. I get a hug.
‘Can we go to the beach?’ Pause. I’m tired, I don’t feel like juggling everyone and everything and there’s enough to do at home to keep me busy all day… SURE! After an hour of packing a nappy bag, getting everyone dressed and ready, we make it to the car by 9am. 20 minutes in at the beach and I’m feeling relaxed, and have almost forgotten all the housework waiting at home for me. The kids are so relaxed and happy, and this is good mind space; this wasn’t a bad idea after all.
‘Can you come and run races with me mom?’ SURE! I excuse myself from the middle of an interesting adult conversation and run. My son thinks it’s the funniest thing; and it’s hard not to grin at him giggling.
‘Can I have a sip of your tea mom?’ SURE. My oldest sips it in delight and grins, then runs off leaving backwash in my mug. Loooveleh!
‘Can I help you grate cheese mom? I glance over at the dished up plates of food ready to be eaten, and think of how fast I’d do it, and how fast it needs to be done. SURE. She takes 3 minutes, and we wait patiently. She grins, feeling chuffed with herself.
‘Can you tuck me in again mom? She’s up for the fourth time at my bedside, and it’s an hour past bedtime. Im so tired I can’t keep awake, and I know I have to get up to work once she’s asleep. SURE. I tuck her in and whisper little sweet things in her ear, so as not to wake her siblings, and hope something in my whispering will settle her and help her fall asleep feeling secure.
Finally, they are asleep and I’m up and working, and I look back on the day. If you’d asked me in the morning what the day would have looked like had I said YES to all of the questions, I’d have thought it a crazy day. A day of my patience being tested, of waiting, of leaving stuff that needs to be done, of playing silly games I don’t feel like and just… exhausting. Instead, the more questions I said yes to, the more they asked. They reveled in my attention, in my positivity and in my being present. It was magical.
On hindsight, me as a NO mom is selfish, self absorbed and lost in the to do’s, in everything that’s taking up my visual space. I’m flailing for air, just making it to the next mom-time-out, to regroup. Everyone is testing me, stretching me and keeping me from running this home smoothly. I’m reactive, and a burnout in the making.
As a YES mom, I’m not in control of everything. I forget about what NEEDS to be done right now, and I answer questions as they come my way, while plodding through the to do’s as and when I can, but keeping my kids the priority, and our relationship in the forefront of my mind. The result… kids who feel they’ve connected with me, the mom who’s been calmer, funner and happier. They respond to that, and I do too. Maybe it’ll do us all good for me to loosen the reins a little, to stop trying to control everything and to just. be. present. Tomorrow I’ll wake up and be a YES mom again, and with practice and awareness, I think it’ll make the world of difference in my little family.
Could You be a YES Mom for a Day?
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Amy says
So true. Often you have a real revelation, when following their lead. We have children-parent-swap days and all love it.
You have a Beautiful way with the words.